Life. (In The Fast Lane)
Figuring It Out At 20.
Where The F*ck Have You Been? (Said No One Fucking Ever.)
Hello, lovely reader if there is one reading. If you are, hey! How are you? I don’t really care, I was just trying to be nice. Sorry. Anyways. I have had a helluva past year. Summer classes. Friends. Threesomes! (Not Involving Me, Perv.) Relationship. Loss of Virginity (Yup, This One WAS Me. Believe It Or Not.) New Business. New Friends (But Not Really) and a big smack in the face of reality. An Philosophy, if you will.
Have I been happy in this past year. No. How have I tried to improve this? I couldn’t say because there isn’t a right answer. There is no right answer at this time. I turned 20 years old two weeks ago. I feel young and I feel this way because of how much I’m realizing I don’t know. I really have no idea.
No idea if I want to continue school. No idea where I want to go with my life. No idea who I want to be friends with. No idea who I want to love. And no idea how to figure out what I don’t know. It’s a lot, I know.
Present Day.
Today in particular, I was thinking more than usual. How much shit really doesn’t matter as much as it seems it does. I could lose everything I have today and still wake up tomorrow. I'‘ve made close to $15,000 in profit from a detailing business, and I’m willing to throw it all down the drain just to feel some happiness. I don’t say this to show off or flex, just to say where I’ve been at. I’d throw away everything for happiness for myself and my family. Seriously.
I broke up with my partner 1 week ago today. That sucks. It does, truly suck. But, I feel as though I need some time to be there for me. Journal, Work Out, Drink Some Water. And, I need some time to figure out my next move with life. And that’s something that may take 1 month or 1 decade. I really don’t know and the point of this, is that it’s okay. I’ve realized I’m still just a kid. A kid who has big dreams and high ambitions but has no idea how I’m going to get there, but is willing to play the game and do what it takes. I’m accepting the confusion and distress and frustration of being in my 20’s. Damn right.
Peace and Love.
-brandon