Important Life Skills I've Learned #1

Taking Responsibility for Yourself

Intro to Self-Responsibility

Hello readers, thank you for coming back to my second ever “Blog” article on here. It truly means a lot to me and I wanted to write about this specific topic for a little bit.

This idea of Self-Responsibility slapped me right in the face after getting the chance to read Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck. The book was amazing and I would recommend to anyone who is looking for an amazing read and anyone who’s into books based around self-improvement. The whole basis of our topic today is based around the ideas and the overall skill of self-responsibility that I was able to learn about from the book, along with a few other sources.

To start this off, According to Tick those Boxes (linked down below in sources), they say that “in essence, personal responsibility [or self-responsibility] helps you take control of your choices and your own perceived reality. Personal or individual responsibility is crucial because it helps you regulate your life properly and prevents you from derailing your mental and physical health.”

Taking Responsibility for Yourself and Self-Awareness

An important lesson that I recently learned for myself is that taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions is incredibly important in our daily lives. One of the most influential ideas that hit me after reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was how we, as people, blame so much of our problems and issues on everyone else and the world as a whole, which makes us believe that we’re not the issue, when realistically, we really are to be blamed. Some of us blame the world for how we look, our bad habits, the things we do, and the many things we don’t do that we should be doing for ourselves. In reality though, we’re our own person, and we have to accept that the world is not after us, and we are in control for how to handle our lives in whatever makes us the happiest and/or most satisfied.

Another part to the idea idea taking responsibility for our own actions is also the way we handle tough situations and how we use/control our own emotions. Let’s say you and your friend got into an argument, and it ended up with you lashing out at your friend for stealing your last cookie from your cookie jar. We don’t HAVE to get upset at our friends or anyone else for that matter for something so little that really doesn’t matter that much. It’s our own responsibility for our emotions and what we choose “give a f*ck” about and what not to. This gives us an opportunity to analyze our actions and determine what could be done differently for next time. In this case, instead of lashing out at your friend for something silly like this for just taking your last cookie without asking, you could respectfully ask them if they could ask before they take anything from you. I know this is a silly example, but it’s the principle that I’m trying to get across.

Another important example I’ll use is the example Manson used in his novel (said in my own words) to explain this theory further: “I dated this girl in high school. We dated for about 3 years, and she ended up cheating on me with my teacher (ouch, tough stuff Mark). It took me a while to come to terms with everything because I was constantly angry and feeling all this pain sadness because of what she did (which makes perfect sense in the beginning stages of any breakup, especially when it includes cheating). Eventually, as more time passed, I thought back to our relationship as a whole. Before I go on, for the record, I do not condone cheating, but there’s always a reason for why people do it. People don’t cheat unless they’re incredibly unhappy in their relationship. Thinking back, I wasn’t there for her as much as I should’ve been to fulfill my role of being a partner to her, weather that was emotionally, physically, or sexually. So, after looking back at our relationship as a whole, I noticed a lot of things that hadn’t really occurred to me during our time together that could’ve caused her to become unhappy. This included us arguing a lot, we weren’t there for one another most of the time, we didn’t talk about anything, and it was a generally unhealthy relationship. Although it was a poor choice on her part, and I don’t agree or condone cheating, but it could be seen as partly my fault too for not being there for her more and not trying harder in our relationship.”

From having more self-responsibility in our lives, it not only makes us more self-aware of our actions from taking ownership for them, but it gives us a an opportunity to learn too, specifically more about ourselves and our own emotions. It gives us that smack in the face that is necessary in certain situations. Unfortunate events, at times, can lead us into a a whole new direction in our lives. Taking responsibility for ourselves gives us more independence and makes us into better people because we’re not just blaming everything on the world and other people.

Not Taking Everything Super Personally

Another huge attribute with self-responsibility is not taking everything so damn personally, as it’s a horrible habit to have. We all have that responsibility of how we deal with conflict, how we control your emotions, and what we choose to care about the most. For example, someone at work gets upset at you for a very small mistake, and when you choose take it personally, that’s what you’re choosing to think, but most of the time, we never really know for sure, so why assume the absolute worst? For me, sometimes I just need to stop for a second, and think about it more. Instead of “Oh my God, they hate me!” a better approach is to say “That was unnecessary, but they could be just having a bad day, so whatever.” It’s 99.9% not ever about you, and if it is, who cares?

To repeat this idea again, we, in our daily lives, choose how we feel when something happens to us, good or bad, as it’s our own responsibility, and that includes the way we look at certain situations. So, try not to take every little thing so personally, it makes a huge difference.

Wrap-Up

In summary, from taking responsibility of our own actions, it generally makes us better people. It makes it so we’re always looking at situations that occur in our lives from the perspective of both parties to see if maybe we’re the ones who could’ve screwed up in some way and just accepting that fault if need be in any capacity, and more importantly not always taking everything so personally. Being honest and accepting that we could’ve f*cked up is not always a bad thing. So, the next time you’re in a conflict or some B.S. occurs in your life, think about it a little more. Self-responsibility is just one of many essential key skills to develop in our lives, and I hope this helped give you either an introduction or deeper understanding on this topic.

Thank you for reading. Feel free to subscribe down below for more!

-brandon

Sources used:

Check out “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

(Finkelstein, Darren. “What Is Personal Responsibility?” Tick Those Boxes, 27 July 2022, https://tickthoseboxes.com.au/what-is-personal-responsibility/#:~:text=In%20essence%2C%20personal%20responsibility%20helps,your%20mental%20and%20physical%20health.)

Dimochkino. “Personal Responsibility: What Is It, Examples & How to Improve: HIGH5.” HIGH5 Strengths Test, 4 Apr. 2023, https://high5test.com/personal-responsibility/#:~:text=What%20is%20Personal%20Responsibility%3F,all%20areas%20of%20your%20life.